Sunday, March 30, 2008

From Above

Last Thursday as I was getting ready to go to Jacqui's B-Day dinner, I got the call.

My mom broke the news, and I broke down after she hung up.



He was in his early 90's. Lived a full life. Loved his wife right to the end. Raised 12 kids, became and grandfather to 46 and a great grandfather upwards of 20 (I really don't know the official count). He loved God, he loved his family...

And now he is finally home.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Big Change




It's official. My days as a pastor's wife are numbered. In just over a month my man will hang up his "Pastor McDreamy" t-shirt (I made it for him a few years ago) and head back to school. He'll be bussing and skytraining up Burnaby mountain three days a week this summer.

In a few years he'll have his BA in History, and start working on his PDP so he can teach PE and coach football for the rest of his life... He'll be kicking up his feet during winter,spring AND summer break while the rest of us fools work like slaves only to get our two weeks of paid vacation (in which, we have HUGE expectations).

It's so perfect for him that it really is a "no-brainer." But it will be so strange when he's done. He started at the church one month after we got married... So basically we've been Mr and Mrs Pastor right from the start.

I have to say, we don't leave "the ministry" (I use quotations because we'll always be in the ministry... it's who we've become) bittered, indignant or marred... we NEVER had that experience. We've been challenged to our cores about what we really want in life, who we want to be... who God made us to be.

My life has changed- I've met the depths of my soul- I've met the REAL Jesus and I am fearfully excited.

If we didn't have those four years I would probably be chasing empty goals, confusing power for success, equating worth to possessions, and entering every relationship with competition. If we didn't have those four years- I would be a prisoner to my achievements and assets.

Thank God that didn't happen. Thank God for all the people we have met- who have been part of our journey, who have taught us how to hear that still, small voice. Who have prayed into our lives, and have spoken to our souls.

When we finish next month we'll take only one thing:

LOVE.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Get Outside

Because of all the hard work I've put into the past few weeks, I felt it only fair to reward myself.

My top love language is a tie for acts of service and gifts.

Because serving myself can get a little tricky, I bought myself a one year subscription to "Backpaker" magazine.

Last Friday, shortly after my feet hit the floor, I convinced my husband to come for a run through the forest in the rain. We crossed over the boarder into Point Roberts, parked our car by Lily Point and started weaving back and forth along the muddy paths.

With my music pumping, the scent of wet dirt, and the sound of crashing waves over the cliff we ran beside- I couldn't stop smiling. Literally, full open mouth, massive smiling. I felt so happy to be outside, connecting with and enjoying that which God made. I realized that too much of my time is spent within man made walls... and my soul has been aching to reconnect with the depths that only a fire sunset, jagged mountains, a gentle rain, breaking surf, and singing birds can bring.

I vowed to return.

(My sister in law is a king when it comes to the anything outdoorsy. She knows how to rock climb, snow camp and find her way out of any forest-she doesn't need trails.)

After out trail run we went to a great little coffee shop for an Americano and a panini. I pulled out a "Backpacker" magazine out of a stack. I was sold. Even the advertisements centered on nature with breath-taking photos.

Anyone for a hike?

Monday, March 17, 2008

Addition: 10 days


Four psychology papers in the mail. One dinner with mom. Three rainy day jogs. One yearly check-up. Two of each Political Science and Environmental Science discussion web postings. One thursday night youth group with a couple beautiful girls. Eight 6am starts. Three 12-hour work shifts. Two times her stories made me cry. Three Yoga flows. Two much overdue cups of coffee with two different friends. One interview given for a friend's journalism assignment. One cavity-free dentist appointment. Four trips to the gym to pump iron. Three movies watched. One trail run with a big perma-smile. One trip to Chapters. Three books bought. Seven journals read. One-dozen more reasons to hate consumerism.

Two announcements of a husband's resignation.

One eternally greatful heart.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Politics....Me!?!

I am just starting out a couple of new online courses: Environmental Science (Sustainability) and Political Science (Globalization). I knew I would enjoy Environmental Science (it is instilling a healthy fear in me, to say the least), but I had no idea that I actually possess a substantial appetite for politics.

I actually signed up for the course because I felt badly about how politically clueless I am- terms like hegemony, tory and deregulation did not compute. I could get away with it when I was 20, but five years later, and none more the wiser started to make me feel cheap.

I say it all the time, ignorance is bliss, but ignorance never changed the world.

As I settle down with my readings and my notebook, I find myself engrossed as I scribble out my notes at fever pace (jaw often dropping).

I'm just starting, but I am already beginning to think differently while I try to figure out where I stand on the subjects and issues.

I'm excited to begin to talk about issues rather than things.

And the ignorance thing?

I believe that having things worth fighting for make for a fuller life. I'd rather live a life of passion.

... Then "REAL" Freedom = $&%#

Wow... THIS is deep- could change your life... you ready?

the Bush administration's attempt to articulate a worldview is worth quoting in full:

The concept of `free trade' arose as a moral principle even before it became a pillar of economics. If you can make something that others value, you should be able to sell it to them. If others make something that you value, you should be able to buy it. This is real freedom, the freedom for a person-or a nation-to make a living.(William Finnegan- "The Economics of Empire")


Forget freedom of speech, press or religion. The only "real freedom" is commercial freedom.

Freedom is all about the buy and sell (who knew Ebay junkies realize one of the big secrets to life?)

....Whatever will get you to worship at the alter of Consumerism.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

I Hurt

A lot of new little babies are coming this year (there's gotta be something in the water)

There is a lot of discussion about giving birth (and how much fun that must be).

I'm not sure about pain... but this couldn't have been a fun process either.

Monday, March 10, 2008

I am a contradiction

I spent my entire weekend writing a paper- and I am still behind! I pulled a muscle in my shoulder at the gym, and it is driving me mad. I lost an hour of sleep last night (I know, I'm not the only person), and I woke up a dozen times last night. I broke a glass in the kitchen at work and embedded a piece in my foot. I have a dentist appointment on Thursday, and I am sure I have a cavity. I have become incredibly attached to a kid at work, and she's moving out in a couple of weeks.

And no matter what I do, my big hairy cat has hairballs.



But somehow I'm feeling great.

I guess that's the difference between happiness and joy.

Happiness is based entirely on circumstance...or substance ;)

And joy makes absolutely no sense... logically speaking.

Monday, March 3, 2008

My Endangered

After visiting the Seattle Zoo last month, combined with the goal to stop being inactive, I've finally picked an animal to champion. I believe it is number 5 on the world most endangered species.

Not only is it a truly beautiful creature, but it also holds a special place in my heart because one of my cats shares the name.

Meet my darling Panda. Scotty and I adopted her as a kitten from the SPCA a few months after we got married.

(Her and Hanzel -whom I smuggled as a kitten across the boarder in a camera bag- are the closest thing to kids that we can realistically see ourselves with for at least the next 5 years.)

I accept that I can't save all the world's endangered species, but I plan to be personally responsible for saving at least one Giant Panda.



Now I just have to figure out how.

Apathy

"All that is required for evil to triumph is that good men do nothing"- Edmund Burke



Justice doesn't happen; justice is made.

Are We Too Busy?


In the 1950s, U.S Government experts predicted that because of increases in technology, the average American would work twenty three hours a week

(Erik Rauch "Productivity and the Work Week")

Ask anyone the famous greeting "How are you?" and you'll most likely get the answer, "Good... busy." The first part is usually a lie, but the second is all too real. It seems that the 40 hour work week is almost non-existant, and furthermore, it's not unusual to add at least an hour long commute to and from work.

And that's not all.

Then there are all the appointments, errands, meetings and courses/ upgrades.

Why does a nation with so much technology not have the know-how to create a simpler life? Why does a nation that has accumulated so much wealth relative to the rest of the world still grasp for more?

(Will & Lisa Samson "Justice in the Burbs")

And if you're not burning the candle at both ends you're remiss, a dud, lacking.

The catch-phrase "work hard play harder" is stated like a badge of honor.


When did sitting down with a cup of tea and a good book or a crossword become something to disdain? Why do we feel we have to make excuses if we have a lazy afternoon? Why do we feel like a failure if we're not constantly muti-tasking? Why is a day spent taking time for ourselves served with a heaping side of guilt?

Why do we believe the lie that life isn't something to enjoy?

Justice in the Burbs

While visiting my brother out at Trinity Western, I stumbled upon the book store and picked up a couple books on social justice. I just started Will and Lisa Samson's "Justice in the Burbs: Being the Hands of Jesus Wherever You Live"

As I read the first few chapters with my morning coffee, the following passage really got me thinking:

Famine and disease decimate populations, and war tears apart families and cripples our children. But if we live normal American suburban lives, the only way we might know about this injustice is by seeing it on the news channel or reading about it on the internet. Even with the availability of the information and the knowledge of the problem, we often turn away, too tired or sad or helpless to focus on such need. Often we don't even look, focusing on our own heartaches, our own needs


I only know suburbia.

What does it take for the pain of the world to tear into our own realities? When will we take responsibility for our brothers and sisters?

I cannot help but think that I've been raised with blinders on.

This doesn't reflect on my parents... but on my culture. Those horses that pull carriages through busy city streets wear them to block out everything but that which is ahead. I am a product of a culture driven by capitalism and the ideal of individual success. I focus solely on that ahead of me. I worry only about the barriers or obstacles that lie in my path. If I am to try to look beyond myself, to what is going on around me, I lose sight of what is before me. To turn to my brother beside me comes at a cost of blocking out my journey. I cannot do both. So it's easier to continue forward- to let my brother worry about himself. Sure, the odd time I will stop to look to the side, but only when it is convenient for me to do so- when I have made good leeway on my own path. When few obstacles clutter that which is before me, I might stop for a moment or two and then continue my journey with my head held a little higher.

From time to time I look up. I whisper a prayer to my Father, but I can't spend too much time with my head in the clouds, I've got somewhere to go. I have that path before me.



I never look down.

I don't want to see the backs I walk on. I can't stomach seeing those I have to run over in order to continue a forward motion. Don't get me wrong, I side step them when I can (most don't even pay attention, so I'm doing more then they do). But they litter the streets. It's the harsh reality of life. I've convinced myself that they've chosen to be there, or at very least, they are somehow different from me. If helps to numb me from the feeling of them breaking under my feet.

A Franciscan Benediction

I stole this from my friend Farrah (she posted it last week), but it really spoke to me. I printed it out to put on my mirror and copied it into my day planner. It speaks to me of real priorities.

May God bless you with discomfort
At easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships,
So that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger
At injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people,
So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears
To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war,
So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and
To turn their pain in joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness
To believe that you can make a difference in the world,
So that you can do what others claim cannot be done
To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.

Father- bless me with discomfort, anger, tears and foolishness so that I may live deep within my heart; work for justice, freedom and peace; turn pain into joy; and do what others claim cannot be done.