On Saturday evening some of my family hopped into my mom's minivan to make the trek out to Abbotsford to hear Shane Claiborne speak.
I was so excited to have my mom, brother and sister-in-law accompany us because Shane Claiborne's example had instilled sense of hope in me that I had never really felt before, and I was thrilled to share that.
Truth is, it's not Shane Claiborne that I am so enamoured with, it's his Jesus.
As I said before, I needed that spiritual smack upside my head that Shane's words gave me two years ago and he didn't dissappoint.
Luckily I brought my notebook.
While he spoke, I scribbled down points I wanted to think further on, to mull over, pray through and try to apply to my own life.
There were a few moments that I had to swallow hard. Partly because I felt so convicted, that looking at my own life and choices objectively leaves so many loose ends, so much unfinished, and much of my life falling so short of what God desires of me. The other part of me had to stop from breaking down because I caught glimpses of this God that I take for granted. This God that changes people so drastically if they are only willing to submit to Him. This God that loves me despite all my messiness, and more importantly, can use me even though I often feel so hugely inadequate.
One story that hit me like a ton of brick was from some of the time Shane spent in Calcutta working alonside Mother Teresa.
When entering the church to worship, it was customary for everyone to remove their shoes, and it was during these times that Shane noticed that Mother Teresa's feet were very deformed. So deformed, in fact, that Shane thought that it was perhaps due to leprosy.
He didn't dare ask.
One day, while talking to one of the other sisters, the subject came up. The sister asked if Shane had noticed Mother Teresa's feet. She went on to tell him that they get donations of shoes only once and a while, and there are only just enough for each person to get one pair. When the shipments come in, mother Teresa would sort through all the shoes. She would look for the worst for wear pair, and then she would claim them for herself.
Mother Teresa never wanted anyone to wear a pair of shoes that were in worse shape than her own.
It gives new light to being the hands and feet of Jesus.
As I sat listening to that story, much of my life began to swirl in my head.
I've never let her Jesus go that deep into my life. I make selfish choices all the time, and what's worse is that I rarely even realize I am doing it.
While I left feeling as though I fall so short...
...But I also left knowing that my God can use even me.