Sometimes it's Just an Apple

Blogs can be funny. I am sure that everyone who writes one feels silly on a regular basis, wondering why the heck they have one, and whether anyone really reads it.

But sometimes it is just so right. Sometimes we have something important to say. Sometimes it touches people deeply, and starts to stir something in their hearts.

That is exactly what my friend Ashley's latest post is.

My Mother Teresa mantra slides right in beside this post, and has got me thinking about how we don't like to approach any problem unless we can solve it.

Ashley didn't, she just did something small.

But what if she did that small thing often? What would that do?

She wouldn't burn herself out. She couldn't use the excuse of lacking time and/or money.

But she could share with someone who needs something. It would inevitibly trickle into the rest of her life because she would stop trying to solve the problem, but instead, live in the moment and do what she can at that moment. She would be more attuned to needs and see ways that she could do the "small things with great love."

And if it caught on with her friends, what then?

There is a stirring in my spirit, to get over myself, to find no act to small, to act now with whatever I can.

Sometimes love is just an apple given to a hungry person. Sometimes those little things have the ability to transform not only the people involved, but the witnesses as well.

Meet Mowgli

In my heartbreak, I found love. In my tears I found generosity.

And it came from someone I hardly know.

I have been feeling sick to my stomach over losing Hanzel. His death came so suddenly, without warning, and has left me feeling broken.

My job has grown. Not only am I managing a group home, but I am also helping run a guys home and have just added support/one to one worker to my resume. I am working with a girl who has just "aged out" of the system, and is now an adult living on semi-independent living.

I only met her just over a month ago, and have only logged a handful of hours actually getting to know her.

But she showed me HUGE love just last week.

I love the quote by mother Teresa that says: "we can do no great things, only small things with great love." It has been my
"mantra" if you will, at my job. So many of the situations that I find myself working in are so messy and the stories so heart-breaking, that I am often left feeling so small, helpless and completely overwhelmed.

And that is where he enter and whispers "love big... period."

But last week, he used a practical stranger, who I've been hired to work with, to teach me a thing or two about "small things with great love."

At the beginning of the year, her cat had a litter of kittens. She picked out her favourite, and sold his four other brother and sisters (to cover the cost of vet bills). When I showed up at her door and told her of my heart break, she lunged at me and embraced me in a big hug.

Her empathy was comforting, and while she knew me least- I felt she understood me most. The next day she gave me a card she had made and told me that she wanted me to take her kitten "because he will make you happy."


I burst into tears at her generosity, and she seemed somewhat confused.

What seemed to me to be such a huge sacrifice on her part came so naturally to her, that she didn't think it to be a big deal.

I tried to pay her, to at least cover the vet bills, but she would have none of it.

When I said, "why are you being so generous when you don't have any money?" (side note: she really doesn't- I help her with her meager finances), she simply shrugged and said "I don't know, I just know you should have him."

Her small thing touched me so deeply. Getting something form someone who has nothing will do that to a person.



But having someone give you something, or do something for you without the conviction of sacrifice on their behalf, and to do it simply for you because they see the need...

Well, that's a love I long to live.

Falling On My Knees

My Father is an artist.

His creation gives me goosebumps. It brings me to tears. It removes the words from my mouth. It covers me in emotion. It connects me to my soul. It points me to something deeper.

It brings me to my knees.

I saw this preview while I was in Seattle last month. As soon as the camera pans back on the first scene, my body becomes covered in goosebumps. My hair stands on end, and I am brought to tears.

I don't know what it is. It is so hard to explain, but I think that it at least has something to do with the fact that most of my existence occurs within this man-made bubble. I live under artificial lighting, breathe stale air, stare at TV and computer screens, eat processed food, run on pavement, talk on my cell phone, travel by car, and save money to buy more man-made stuff.

When I see this, I come face to face with the fact that I am not living in my Father's art. He created it for me. I am created to live in it, yet I live in that which is making me sick. I see how I am selling myself short. The bible says that what is on earth mirrors what will be in heaven. When I see something like this, I am brought to tears because it awakens my soul. I am brought to my knees because... well, I really cannot put it into words.

I'll let it speak for itself

Rainbow Bridge

On my bedside table sits a little silvery ceramic pot with a rainbow glaze. It is the size of a large coffee mug. Beside it sits a small piece of plaster with a paw print.

The only physical items I have left of my little friend.

Scotty picked up Hanzel's ashes the other day. To see that tiny little pot made me feel ill. To think that what held such a big part of my heart was reduced to fit inside that seemed almost too much...

... but it came with a poem/story that brought healing to my broken heart, called "Rainbow Bridge"

Just this side of heaven is a place called the Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies, that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water, and sunshine. And our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who have been ill and old are restored to health and vigour; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of the days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing-- they miss someone very special to them who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day come when one suddenly stops and looks up into the distance. His bright eyes are intent, his eager body begins to quiver.

Suddenly he begins to run from the group. Flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together n joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face, your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent in your heart.

Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together.................................

-Author Unknown

I have always believed that animals will be in heaven, but have received tons of criticism regarding my belief. To think that God would create such amazing creatures that can win a heart in one look, who become a valued member of the family and seem to "get" you when no one else does-- only to toss them away at the end of their all-too-short lives didn't sound/seem like the Father that I know. Sites like this have been such a reassurance to me in my sorrow.

On the next sunny day that both Scotty and I have off, we'll take that little ceramic pot across the Point Roberts boarder, and let our little lion be carried in the wind currents off the clay cliffs over-looking the ocean.

Hole in My Heart.

On a clear October night back in 2005, a scruffy grey and white kitten was smuggled across the Point Roberts boarder in an old camera bag.

He was charming and funny and earned himself the name Hanzel. He was “so hot right now” (named after the male model in Zoolander for being incredibly good-looking).

Hanzel grew into a 17 pound kitten. He believed Panda to be his mother, and somehow convinced her to bathe him on a regular basis. He “nursed” off blankets, sweatshirts, bathrobes and any other soft item left on the floor. As he held the fabric in his mouth, purring loudly with eyes closed, he would kneed the fabric with his big white paws.


On Sunday March 1st, 2009. Hanzel fell ill. Despite efforts and a three night stay at the vets, his condition only worsened.

X-rays revealed that Hanzel had a large heart and suffered complications related to a blood clot in the arteries feeding the intestines.

On Wednesday March 4th, 2009, it was clear that Hanzel was ready to go.

As he lie on the table, I hugged him and kissed him. I told him Scotty, Panda and I loved him and would forever miss him. I asked him to say “hello” to Sheena, Christmas, Kya, Toots and all my other past pets when he entered those pearly gates. I cried as I told him that while I wasn’t ready to let him go, I knew that God was calling back this little furry grey and white angel that I had been blessed to have lived with and loved these past three and a half years.

My heart is broken. There is a huge hole in our house. Scotty, Panda and I wander room to room, instinctively looking for him.

When I spoke to my mother on the phone after returning for the vets to tell her my heart break, she burst into tears. Being an animal lover herself, she understood the intense bond an animal spirit can have with a human spirit.

I told her Hanzel was born with a large heart and there was no way we could have known something like this would have happened, and she added, “it’s true, he REALLY did have a big heart, and was seen in the way that he loved.”

I am convinced our “little lion” lavished more love on me in those three shorts years than many owners ever experience in a pet’s normal lifespan.

As Scotty and I sobbed and held each other, we agreed that while we felt such an immense loss, we also felt so blessed to have had those three years with him.

He touched us deeply, loved us loyally and bought much joy into our lives.

Rest in peace our “little lion” with the big heart. We love you and will never forget you. While your life was short, you gave us everything you had each and every precious day. Be happy where you are.