Hole in My Heart.

On a clear October night back in 2005, a scruffy grey and white kitten was smuggled across the Point Roberts boarder in an old camera bag.

He was charming and funny and earned himself the name Hanzel. He was “so hot right now” (named after the male model in Zoolander for being incredibly good-looking).

Hanzel grew into a 17 pound kitten. He believed Panda to be his mother, and somehow convinced her to bathe him on a regular basis. He “nursed” off blankets, sweatshirts, bathrobes and any other soft item left on the floor. As he held the fabric in his mouth, purring loudly with eyes closed, he would kneed the fabric with his big white paws.


On Sunday March 1st, 2009. Hanzel fell ill. Despite efforts and a three night stay at the vets, his condition only worsened.

X-rays revealed that Hanzel had a large heart and suffered complications related to a blood clot in the arteries feeding the intestines.

On Wednesday March 4th, 2009, it was clear that Hanzel was ready to go.

As he lie on the table, I hugged him and kissed him. I told him Scotty, Panda and I loved him and would forever miss him. I asked him to say “hello” to Sheena, Christmas, Kya, Toots and all my other past pets when he entered those pearly gates. I cried as I told him that while I wasn’t ready to let him go, I knew that God was calling back this little furry grey and white angel that I had been blessed to have lived with and loved these past three and a half years.

My heart is broken. There is a huge hole in our house. Scotty, Panda and I wander room to room, instinctively looking for him.

When I spoke to my mother on the phone after returning for the vets to tell her my heart break, she burst into tears. Being an animal lover herself, she understood the intense bond an animal spirit can have with a human spirit.

I told her Hanzel was born with a large heart and there was no way we could have known something like this would have happened, and she added, “it’s true, he REALLY did have a big heart, and was seen in the way that he loved.”

I am convinced our “little lion” lavished more love on me in those three shorts years than many owners ever experience in a pet’s normal lifespan.

As Scotty and I sobbed and held each other, we agreed that while we felt such an immense loss, we also felt so blessed to have had those three years with him.

He touched us deeply, loved us loyally and bought much joy into our lives.

Rest in peace our “little lion” with the big heart. We love you and will never forget you. While your life was short, you gave us everything you had each and every precious day. Be happy where you are.