I made it 11 months

Until I bought new shoes.

With only a month left on my buy no new clothes for a year (intimates not included... yuck)- I found myself wandering through the tiny mall in White Rock this afternoon- hiding from the rain.

I had hoped to meet a friend for a visit, but she has been overtaken by one of the many nasty bugs going around...

So I browsed... and browsed, and then turned around and browsed all over again.

All the while dreaming of a pretty pair of shoes I had stumbled upon within minutes of walking into the mall.

I have truely loved doing the thrift thing, and plan on continuing it for clothing, but I've had such poor luck with shoes.

It's been a dry 11 months, and today I cheated.

I'm not going to make excuses- I was well aware I was breaching my comittment. You can judge me...

I judge me.

Here's an idea of the temptation I simply couldn't run from:



While mine aren't Prada- they were only $32 after tax.

It's Not So Bad

Like the dark, spiders, and heights, the idea of failing terrifies me.

I'm sure I am not alone. No one likes to fail, but not everyone is as easily deterred from acting on something as I am. Rarely will I attempt something unless I am fairly certain that I will succeed. The mere potential of failure is enough to keep me from pursuing things I actually want.

Sure, the things I do try often do turn out near perfect, but I likely could've told you that before I even tried. I rarely surprise myself because I am so safe with my choices/actions, and that is no way to live.

I need balance. I need to try things that I am likely to fail at because that is the only chance I have to feel the thrilling side of success.

And I need to see that being told "no" or falling flat on my face really isn't as bad as I thought it was.

Hence the email I just sent.

I asked for a raise during a global economic crisis...

Now I got a stomach full of butterflies, and I'll probably jump every time I hear my phone ring or see a new message waiting in my inbox, but the reality is that I have been thinking about asking for a raise since September. Sometimes I try to convince myself and others that I don't pursue things I want to because I am procrastinating... but that is rarely the real reason. The job I am in is not the way a person builds a savings account. I make peanuts, and even with a raise, I'd still make peanuts. I'm sure I'll live my entire life making peanuts... there's not a lot of money in helping "the least of these" and I am completely fine with it.

Peanuts... because I haven't said that word enough.

It's largely symbolic to me. It's about doing something I am afraid of well as reaffirming myself by refusing to belittle what I do.

We'll see what happens. For now, I'll keep repeating what Scotty (who will dive head-first into practically anything... I am so jealous!)reassured me with: "it never hurts to ask."

2009: A Green Year

While I recycle like a fiend, buy fair trade organic coffee, spend a lot on a litre of organic milk and free range eggs, refuse to eat meat, rely on reusable bags for my groceries, carpool when possible and recycle my clothes... I am far from the green person I want to be.

This morning I turned on CBC while going about my duties at work (I'm trying to get that daily news thing down). A story caught my attention: CBC's "One Million Act's Of Green" initiative aimed at uniting Canadians in a mission to do one at least one green thing.

This season, CBC and The Hour with George Stroumboulopoulos want to mobilize Canadians to do One Million Acts of Green. In partnership with Cisco, the idea behind the campaign is that one small act can make a big difference.

It’s not about overhauling your life; it’s about one act from each individual amassing to a million. It can be as simple as switching to compact fluorescent lightbulbs, starting a recycling program, or walking to work. You can do one act – or you can do all one million! It’s up to you.

Young and old, parents and kids, small towns and big cities, we want to create an exciting grassroots initiative. All you have to do is go to this website and register one act – or more.

I just signed up and set the page to be my new homepage (sorry Nylon)so that I am reminded to act, improve, be inspired and make some new habits that will make this earth a better place to live.

As the snow falls...

...I am listening to the perfect soundtrack- aside from Christmas music of course!

I can't take any of the credit, my friend Jacqui told me all about it.

I just went to itunes, listened, and dropped some coin on the 2006 album entitled, "Dance Party in The Balkans"


Alaska in Winter has been my soundtrack over these past few weeks as I dreamily stare out the window at the falling snow.

Aside from treacherous driving, the snow is AMAZING!!! When I am trapped at work, I find myself constantly running out onto the front steps to just take in the silence that seems to only come with a snowfall. And there is this smell that takes me back to my earliest winters when we lived in the interior of BC.

Tomorrow I'm told that we'll see the end of this cold-snap, and January will resume the dreariness that normally characterizes Westcoast winters- so tonight I'll make sure to breathe extra deep, and not complain.

To Do List

Learn Spanish. Get more hours at work. Balance work an school. Establish a regular yoga practice. Eat more "God-made" foods and less "man-made." Become a sushi-master. Make some new friends at the local old-age home. Teach myself guitar. Re-learn to play my saxamaphone. Picnic. Go to Shi Shi beach. Fall back in love with running. Get outside!. Put live plants in my aquarium. Rescue a canary from the animal shelter. Take dance lessons with Scotty. Hike. Give more home-made gifts. Continue to be a devoted refashionista beyond my one year of "buy nothing new" commitment. Bring back the potluck in a BIG way. Beach walks. Learn the art of the quick-visit with busy friends. Pray all the time. Watch/read the news regularly. Get involved in saving our orcas . Support local talent (go see local bands). Paint. Bake my own bread. Learn to play "99 Red Balloons" on my synthesiser. Take pride in the small things. Laugh more. Take myself less seriously. Surf. Drink water...lots of water. Take time to look at the sky/smell a flower/ lie in the grass. Become less of a consumer (go without or find an alternative). Love and appreciate the people in my life and make sure they know it. Do something I know I will fail at (get over my fear of failing). Get 8 hrs of sleep. Take mini-holidays on weekends. Frame some photos (everything is in digital form). Become more thrifty. Get live plants for my home. Read/absorb my Bible. BE WHERE I AM.

Just Be

I used to be big on the New Year's resolutions, but this year I made some post-trip goals. Being outside in the sunshine on the beaches of Varadero a couple weeks ago gave me time to think about my life. The most recurring thought was that I wanted to live more in the moment.

I am a future junkie. I am always living in the future. Mentally I am always focused on tonight, tomorrow, the coming weekend, next year, the moment Scotty and I are both done school... at times I am *SO* focused on the future that I miss out on the day I am in. Sometimes I can hardly wait to be in the future, only to arrive there and be focused on the NEXT thing.

Last week as my mom and I wandered around in the gift shop on the ferry, I picked up a book of quotes and flipped to one that really spoke to me:

As you walk and eat and travel, be where you are.
Otherwise you will miss most of your life.
-Buddha

The Sweet Escape

I've been MIA.

Mainly because I've been feeling dead tired. I realized that the last time I actually took time off work was in February to go to Seattle.

There was a week taken off in July to work at Pemberton Music Fest with Ang and Domi followed by helping Farrah run a kid's camp in Whistler- while both were fun they were hardly a "break."

Standing on the other side of my holiday I realize just how tired I was. Thank God for sun, sand and turquoise seas to recharge the soul.

You know that feeling when you wake up after suffering the worst migraine or flu... that first day that you feel better?

That's how I feel.