Finding Balance

I have been MIA.

My past two weeks have been busy. They've been a lesson in stress control... and now as I sit in the last two days of my two busy weeks, I feel I have made good progress on finding the middle ground between the B-side and the A-side of my personality.

I suffer from an all-or-nothing personality.

When I take something on, I do it BIG time. Which can be kinda good (it is not in my blood to half-ass anything), but it has it's ugly side too. I tend to go so overboard that I simply make things out to be a bigger deal than they are and turn myself into a stress-case.

... and then there's the whole "nothing" side.

I won't attempt something if I can't be sure that I won't be perfect at it. Which really translates to taking myself WAY too seriously. And once I am doing one thing at 100%, I rarely take on anything else.

I am inspired by a few of my coworkers. They work two jobs (pulling close to 50 hours a week), go to school AND make time to have pretty decent social lives. They don't seem to stress about anything, and they completely lack that annoying martyr complex that I can tend to have when I have a final exam or a big project due ("no, I can't have ANY fun for the next week because I have to study").

I like how they seem to be able to live their life amongst chaos. They make fine money, okay grades and they make sure to enjoy themselves along the way. Rather than seeing life as a bunch of endpoints, they enjoy where they're at and make the best of whatever they have.

So I used them as my inspiration as I pulled myself through these past 12 days.

8 research papers (6 regular, 2 project exams/term papers). 6 online discussion posts. Host 2 baby showers 2 Sundays in a row. Keep 40 hrs a week at work. And make sure to enjoy life (go out to dinner, beach, movies and a birthday party).

I have one paper left, and pulled off making it through these deadlines with a bit of life rather than merely surviving them. I had only a couple breakdowns (when my bunny bit my laptop powercord off right at the plug so I had nothing to work with to splice it back together... leaving me stranded for 6 hours because Scotty had the car, brought some tears).

Makes me realize how much I limit myself by taking deadlines, projects and work too seriously. Stress isn't totally inevitable, so much of it is due to choice.

So now I will finish my courses a week early, hop on a bus Thursday morning, spend the weekend working and playing at the Pemberton music fest, followed by work and play doing a kids camp in Whistler village.

Baked.

The 400th Time...

Two weeks left of my summer classes, and I am buried in papers. I find the sun to be kryptonite to my academic determination. I really am beginning to believe that all these teachers are really on to something with being able to endlessly enjoy summer break... I'm quite jealous!

...but I'm focusing on making the best of my own situation with 12 hour shifts at the group home and papers... I'm happy at my job (even though I got called MANY names the other night... with "slut" being one of them... that one actually made me laugh- it's my work story as of late) and I am interested in my courses. The more I get into this whole politics arena, the more I SO badly want to be informed. I really want to be one of those individuals who can hold their own in a political debate. I would love to feel so strongly about something that I actually take action (writing letters, attending rallies etc.). I really am in the elemental stages, but I am interested in some sort of political future (whether it is as a job, or something on my own time- I cannot tell). In my dream world I would completely change the face of the foster care system in Canada, and who knows? Those who dare to dream big...

But then there is also the act of simplicity.

I believe that one can change the world with many simple acts of love. I was awakened (yet again) to this "philosophy" by Daryl.

Last week, Scotty and I made one of our ever-increasing trips to Point Roberts, WA. for a gas run and a trip to lighthouse park to see if the killer whales were passing by (yes, a pod of killer whales passes by the point roughly every 24 hours... many whale watching tours from Victoria and Granville Island come out to Point Roberts to spot those breath-taking creatures. We saw them a few weeks ago, and some passed by as close as 300m. from the beach). As we were leaving the park (no whales), we rounded a bend in the road to see a 40-something man with an armload of newspapers and magazines quickly veer his wobbly bicycle out of our lane. Within seconds his papers were scattered all over the road as hit fell off his bike and hit the pavement hard. His head snapped back after his body took the brunt, and he just lie there as our car came to a stop.

Daryl wasn't even close to being hit by us. I believe he saw us coming (at 30 km an hour) and got scared.

I just sat there staring at him, waiting for him to get up, gather his papers and hop back on his bike. As I sat there in my sad apathetic state, daydreaming about my plans for tomorrow, Scotty hopped out of the car and helped the man up, and before I knew it Scotty had gathered all of the man's papers and magazines, popped the bicycle in the trunk and opened the backseat door for our new "friend." It was at this moment that I "snapped" out of it (my own little self-absorbed world) and joined the conversation with Scotty and Daryl.

As we pulled up to his place (or what he wanted us to believe was his place), I hopped out of the car with my mom's fresh whole wheat cinnamon buns (she had given them to me about 10 mins prior) and handed them to Daryl.

As we drove off I knew God had placed Daryl in my life (I wasn't the hero that night, he was mine) to remind me for the 400th time that choosing to make a difference, no matter how simple, is exactly that, a choice. One must choose to keep their eyes open to the opportunities that come at them each and every day, to whole-heartedly love each and every person who is placed in your path that day...to act with intention. What would my life look like if I lived it outside of myself (my own thoughts, worries and to-do lists)?

I believe apathy comes all to easy. People aren't born saints. I must choose to actively fight against it with every step. I must choose to let go of myself and let God take over... to be His hands and His feet, to see my world through His eyes.



It took an intoxicated, skinny, bearded, disheveled man on a wobbly bike to rescue me... for the 400th time.

A Word From Goldie

I recently finished reading Goldie Hawn's autobiography, "A Lotus Grows in The Mud."

Scotty made fun of me when I pulled "The Banger Sisters" out of a sale bin at the video store. Maybe I'm not 40 years old, but I like Goldie. I find her funny, and I am drawn to her free spirited nature...

Besides...

weren't we the generation who grew up watching the "Golden Girls"?



There were a couple noteworthy points worth sharing...

[1] On freeing yourself from worrying about what others think of you...

"Dr. Grearson helped me understand that the adoration or unkind criticism wasn't mine to own. That it was all about how other people perceived me to be, not how I really was. I needed to take no responsibility other than just being a Rorschach test, an inkblot that others interpreted whichever way they needed to... it allows me to not identify personally with others' perceptions, or to become wrapped up in my own defenses against them."

[2]On getting out of your comfort zone- making yourself vulnerable and open to the possibility of finding a friend in a stranger...

"One should never be closed to new friendship, no matter how old or tired or busy. Every relationship has its unique gifts... There is something about being vulnerable to a stranger. Not vulnerable in the sense of being endangered, but vulnerable in that you are in unfamiliar territory, a place where you need to avail yourself of the help and kindness of others. It not only helps you restore your faith continually in humanity, it is also so humbling... I never want to get so comfortable that I forget the importance of those small connections people can make with other human beings. When you are comfortable, you can miss so much, and I for one don't want to miss a thing"

[3]On relationships... the opposite sex...

"There is nothing more unpleasant for me than to see a man stripped of his power. Even though we sometimes feel like the weaker sex, wake up! Nations have fallen because of us. Women have the power to diminish. I have watched it happen in my own home. It is far better to respect a man who has his own life, his own excitement, his own passion. Celebrate that in him; honour his variety and his power. The next time you ask, 'why didn't you call? Why were you late for dinner? Why didn't you pick up the milk? Why don't you ever take out the trash?' or continue to jab at what you would view as his weaknesses, ask yourself; is this what you want to end up with? Is this your intention, to tame the beast? Is that the prize? The man who just says, 'yes, dear," and falls asleep in the armchair every night? Be careful what you wish for, because you might end up stripping away the vitality, the sexual energy of the man who you once thought of as your knight in shining armor."

Badass.

The next Jason Statham.



Don't know how I feel about my man killing my big bro... But it's a sweet vid.